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Prayer Vigil Meditations by the Rev. Phil Ashey Meditation 2- Peace in the Storm Meditation 3 - Overcoming Bitterness Meditation 4 - Winning and Losing in the Kingdom of God Anxiety Meditation 1 Jesus said “So do not worry, saying ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matt 6:31-33 Marc+ asked me to prepare a number of brief meditations to help focus our time together in prayer, and the first is on anxiety—aka worry: And so those wonderful words of our Lord Jesus Christ on not worrying, on not giving in to anxiety. But before we go any further let’s observe a few things about Jesus’ invitation to not give in to anxiety First, it is prefaced and finds itself in the context of a choice: In v. 24, “You cannot serve both God and Money.” Jesus is drawing a line in the sand here and saying, “You have to make a choice—who are you going to serve—God, or stuff? God, or money? You’ve got to relax your grip on the things of this world and let go of them in order to get a grip on God. You can’t have it both ways.” Jesus might just as well have said to us gathered here tonight, “So do not worry saying ‘Where shall we worship if we lose the buildings?” or “How shall we survive if we lose our bank accounts?” or “How can we continue as a church and a ministry if we are displaced from this historic site in the heart of Savannah?” Secondly, Jesus’ words on worry are not a polite invitation or suggestion. They are a COMMAND: “Do not worry…” he says—THREE TIMES (Matt. 6:25, 31, 34) . Please understand what Jesus is saying here. He’s not telling you to be reckless. He’s not telling you and me not to plan ahead. Jesus is commanding you and me to stop WORRYING… There’s a difference. The word Jesus uses here for “worry” and “worrying” is the same word used of Martha who was distracted with much serving; the same word used of the good seed sown among the thorns which was choked by the cares of life; and the same word used by Paul in his command in Phil 4:6 to have no anxiety. Jesus is talking here about distracting, choking, self-tormenting anxious care, perpetual unease, and fear of future that has no place in the life of those who take their baptismal vows seriously by putting their whole trust in His grace and love. The real problem with worry, says Jesus, is that it is Not trusting God with your future Worry is almost entirely future focused.. It’s almost always about things that might happen, or things that will never happen, or things that can’t be changed even if they did happen… And because this fearful focus on the future robs us of the thrill of plunging wholeheartedly into Jesus right NOW, he says “So do not worry about tomorrow…” And then to make sure we get it, he adds this kicker: “So do not worry…for the pagans run after all these things…” (Matthew 6:32, 34) Jesus says, “Worry isn’t just a little weakness that you and I give in to from time to time… We don’t get a ‘pass’ for it… Worry is PRACTICAL ATHEISM”. It’s what PAGANS do…NOT TRUSTING GOD WITH YOUR FUTURE: it’s an affront to God and it has no place in the life of a fully-devoted follower of Jesus. Fortunately, Jesus doesn’t stop here and leave us in a place of shame or condemnation… in fact, from verses 23-33 he explains WHY we don’t need to worry, and why we can trust God for our future: with or without these buildings. First, he says, you can trust God with your future because your life is more important than your body: Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?” (Matt. 6:25 NIV) Listen to what Jesus is saying here: He’s saying “Look, if you were just physical bodies, if that’s ALL your life was made of, you would have good reason to worry about what to feed your body, how to clothe it, and how to shelter it…because 70, 80 years and it’s gone.” But Jesus says “Look, you people are far more than just bodies.. Father and I gave you a heart and a mind and a personality and feelings and a conscience and aspirations and affections and incredible creativity, and the capacity to love sacrificially.., Father and I breathed our life into you, and these days we are paying attention to what’s going on INSIDE of you.” And his reasoning goes like this: If Father and I have gone to such enormous trouble to create, love, romance, redeem, and renew your inner person, would it make ANY SENSE at all for us to neglect the outer person—the details of food, drink, housing and clothing—I mean, that’s just small potatoes, the trivial stuff! Can you imagine a world class heart surgeon spending 12+ hours doing a meticulous heart transplant, to have it go well and sew the guy up and then to neglect to order a bed and a blanket and IV’s and food and round the clock nursing care, and to have him die of neglect and starvation two weeks later??? So how can you imagine a God who has done all the incredible for you personally, and for this church , recorded in this brochure—Blessing upon blessing, miracle after miracle, for hundreds of years, inside of you personally, and inside of this congregation… and imagine that he would not provide you the “clothing”-- a mere building-- to worship in and carry on? Secondly, Worry doesn’t generate any constructive deliverables…“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” (Matt. 6:27 NIV) I think Jesus is having some fun here, trying to lighten things up a bit. He’s saying to people who worry a lot, “Just tell me, give me a little feedback here… when you commit yourself to the ministry of ferocious anxiety and worry, does it work?... does it produce good things? … Can you manipulate events…can you change stuff if you really worry hard?” He’s saying, literally, “If you’re short and you’d like to be taller, does your worry produce even a centimeter of growth?” During the 14 years I lived in Northern Virginia, my commitment to a ministry of ferocious anxiety and worry has had NO DISCERNIBLE IMPACT on the cars in front of me when I was stuck in gridlock on the beltway… How about you? My worry hasn’t moved one car, hasn’t hurried one traffic light, hasn’t moved one accident or breakdown off the road.. The ONLY deliverable it produced was higher blood pressure, frustration, and a poorer witness to the drivers around me!... So take a deep breath and say “thank you God, my life and my timing are in your hands… Thank you God—Christ Church’s life and timing are in your hands...and let the worry go. Thirdly, You have a loving Father who knows your needs “So do not worry saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.” (Matt. 6:31-32 NIV) Some of you may remember the story that rocked the front pages of the newspapers a year ago: How a mother and her children slipped through the safety net of governmental services in Washington DC… how her children disappeared from school…how social workers and teachers knocked on the door and were turned away… And how those children were found, all of them, dead and decaying in their mother’s home.. Please hear what Jesus is saying: Jesus is looking you in the eye today saying “your Father is CONSTITUTIONALLY INCAPABLE OF RUNNING A HOUSE OF NEGLECT, ABUSE AND DEATH. He’s not wired that way… He’s not that kind of God or parent… he has the heart of a perfect heavenly father who loves you, with an infinite amount of love and an infinite amount of resource that he can pour into our lives—including a place to worship and do ministry--…if we live like children, trusting him fully.” Finally, Your Father will fulfill his promises to care for you: “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matt. 6:31-32 NIV) What’s his promise? You put God first, you put his purposes first, you put his Kingdom first, and you will be FIRST PLACE ON HIS PROVIDING AGENDA. All the things that are mentioned in this text—“All these things will be added unto you.” WHAT THINGS? The necessities of life… Food, clothing, shelter… The necessities of life, not necessarily the luxuries of life—the Sharper Image Catalog Stuff, or the lifestyle of the rich and famous stuff—but daily bread, appropriate clothing, appropriate housing, the basic provisions of life so that you don’t need to worry—and that includes everything this congregation needs to do the mission and ministry God has called you to do—including a place to worship, pray, and care for others! Let me close by sharing the story of a good friend, the Rev Matt Kennedy (known to many of you through StandFirm) and his congregation the people of Good Shepherd, Binghampton NY. Good Shepherd fought to leave TEC with their property and lost in the courts. They had to leave the church, the rectory and their memories behind them. The Diocese and TEC were so unkind to them in the process, that when they came in to take possession of the buildings they removed Good Shepherds signs directing the poor and the homeless to the new location of the soup kitchen! But God had so much more provision, so much more in store for Matt and the people of Good Shepherd. The local Roman Catholic priest heard that Matt, his wife and four children were being evicted from the rectory and had no place to go—so he offered them the rectory of an unused RC church right there in town! The old rectory at Good Shepherd Episcopal had only 3 bedrooms, one bathroom upstairs (for a family of 6), and no A/C. The new rectory they moved into has 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms and air conditioning. But it gets even better. Matt was praying about the unused RC church and within days of his prayers the Priest called him up and offered the church, the storage facility, the parking lot, and the attached school to the people of Good Shepherd rent free. The whole campus was appraised at $720,000, and Matt and the people of God Shepherd had saved up only $150,000 to purchase a place to worship. It seemed out of reach. They did not know this, but the Priest was also on the finance committee of the RC Diocese of Syracuse. He came back to Matt and said “We can’t offer you the building for $720k… we are going to knock off $200k and offer it to you for $500k… and with the equity you will have in the building, you should have no problem getting a loan for the balance of $350k.” And that’s exactly what Matt and the people of Good Shepherd did. So right now, within four months of losing their court case and being evicted, they are worshipping in a church with a sanctuary that is four times the size of their old one, a parking lot that can accommodate 100-120 cars—as opposed to the 10 car parking lot they used to have—with huge storage space, a rectory that is comfortable for Matt and his family, and a day school whose income is paying for their mortgage! And as a result, their church is growing. They are attracting 20-30 college students from the local college every Sunday. They are growing in numbers, and in faith! And so will you, as you put God first, you put his purposes first, you put his Kingdom first, you too will be FIRST PLACE ON HIS PROVIDING AGENDA. Peace in the Storm Meditation 2 From Mark 6:45-51 (NIV): 45 Immediately Jesus made his disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. The Bible is full of lessons about storms: The storm and flood in Genesis 6 remind us that we can drown in the consequences of our own sin and rebellion; in Jonah, God used a storm to reorient and retarget a called prophet to God’s graceful purposes; in Matt 7, Jesus ends the sermon on the Mount with a storm to illustrate the spiritual foundations we must have to withstand the wind and the rain and the storms of life. The storm we just read about is also recorded in Matthew and John: There are differences in the stories, but the common denominator is disciples who had a goal and a direction, who are prevented from getting there by life-threatening winds and waves, and who are literally stuck in the middle of the lake--too far out to turn back, and too far away to see the safe conclusion of their voyage… Sounds an awful lot like being in the middle of a distracting and future threatening lawsuit, doesn’t it?! John says in his version that they had gone no more than about 3-4 miles in the space of 9 hours. They began the voyage about dinner time, 6pm, and now it was almost 3am. It was dark, it was cold, it was miserable, they were weary, distracted by the wind and the waves--and they were struggling to keep any sense of direction and hope. The common denominator in almost every case where a church is going through a lawsuit like this is the sense of being in a storm: In a place where you have no control (that’s up to the courts), where you are in the middle of something that you can neither turn back from, nor see its end, where you are distracted by facts and circumstances and motions and proceedings that come upon you as suddenly as those wind and waves, and where you find yourself struggling to maintain a sense of direction and hope. BUT HERE’S THE GOOD NEWS: Storms are the very place where Jesus comes to us, just as he did to these disciples. Storms are the very opportunity Jesus uses to speak peace to the wind and the waves—or more often, to say “Peace be still” to our fearful hearts. Storms are the very place he uses to manifest his love and tender care for us in tangible ways… So let me suggest three things about the power of Jesus’ love, and what it means to us in the storm:
“Immediately,” it says in Mk 6:45, “Jesus made his disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to Bethsaida.” Did you catch that? Jesus MADE them get into that boat and launched them into that storm. Make no mistake, Jesus was not ignorant of what was about to happen. While he didn’t go into those wind-tunnel valleys on the Golan heights side of the lake and blow that wind into gale force, he certainly assigned the disciples to go through that storm. And that means that God himself had a hand in that storm; there is a plan. One of my favorite teachers, Jack Hayford, put it this way: “God put me here to settle my soul, not to sink my ship.” There was something that needed to be settled in their souls: Maybe it has to do with the bookends to this story: the miraculous feeding of 5,000 before the storm, and the miracles which followed immediately after the storm on the other side. Maybe Jesus was trying to let this storm be a teachable moment—that life and ministry in Christ is not an unending string of miracles; that miracles are often punctuated by seasons of struggle and hard work; and that we must come to the end of ourselves before we can get where Jesus wants us to be—and only with his help! What purpose does God have for you in this storm—What needs to be settled in your soul, in this church, before you can get to the other side?Whatever needs to be settled in your soul, even in the struggle…. 2. Jesus’ love means you are NEVER outside the scope of his vision and care In Mk 6:48, it says “Jesus saw the disciples straining at the oars because the wind was against them.” The disciples were stressed, they were feeling alone—but they were not alone. Jesus saw them: he saw them because he was not too busy, and he was not too preoccupied to care. Even though they may have felt alone, Jesus never lost sight of them. And even though they didn’t know it, Jesus was already on the way to rescue them! When Jesus looks at our storm and our struggle he looks at us with those same eyes. He sees us straining against the wind. He sees us with the same tender loving care as he saw those disciples—he doesn’t just look upon us and pity us, he comes out to us just as he did for them, at just the right time! And when he comes, EVERYTHING changes! Whatever storm you are going through, including the storm of this litigation, right now know this: You are NEVER outside the scope of Jesus’ vision and care—and no matter how desperate or abandoned or alone you may feel, no matter what you can and cannot see, the reality is that Jesus is already on the way to care for you! 3. Jesus’ love means He will use this storm to grow your faith “Take courage!” said Jesus, “It is I. Don’t be afraid.” (Mt 14:27) Jesus doesn’t wait and watch in some serene and detached way. When their strength is failing, at exactly the moment they are about to give in, he comes with strength for the last effort—with strength to move them, and us, to where we need to go. And in doing that Jesus comes to them at just the right time with an invitation to TRUST him: “take courage.. don’t be afraid.” WHY? Because HE is there personally. That storm is the very place where they have an opportunity in the midst of a life-threatening struggle to make a choice… trust in their own efforts… trust in their own resources, or trust in Jesus? At some point, if not already in the storm of this litigation, you too will have to face that choice: Will you trust in your plans, the merits of your case, the reasonableness of the judge, the skillfulness of your legal team, the strength of you legal defense fund… OR, will you trust in the one who comes to you in the middle of the storm saying “Fear not, it is I. Take courage” Will you trust in him, even though you don’t know how he will get you to the other side, and even though you don’t know whether the boat you’re in will be intact! Jesus is saying to you and me in this moment, “I want to take the faith you have, however small, however strained by the wind and the waves, and I want to GROW IT.” You see, in the end, Jesus does lead them through the storm. He does grow their faith.But before he could do that, they had to invite him into the boat. Have you invited him into your boat? If you haven’t, now would be a good time! Remember, his hand is in this storm. He has assigned you to go through it, to grow through it, and to deepen your trust in him. He has his eye on you, and he is already on the way….. Overcoming Bitterness Meditation 3 “Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the LORD. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:14-15 NIV Many of you will remember the story of the waste that was buried near “Love Canal”: Toxic waste from nearby factories was sealed in drums tightly, buried deep so that it would never see the light of day. But the companies that buried it did not appreciate how toxic this waste was. It ate through the drums, seeped through the soil, contaminated the waters, and caused untold sickness—including cancer—to the people in the neighborhood it was buried in…. As a result, all of that toxic waste had to be cleaned up—but at that point the cleanup was hundreds of times more difficult and costly. Bitterness is the toxic waste of hurts that we have suffered: It is the toxicity of our unprocessed pain. It is the pain of people and congregations who are being sued by TEC and local Dioceses for exercising their consciences—something the leadership of TEC has been doing for quite some time—and then being told that they are liars, cheats and thieves for leaving with the property that they and their ancestors bought and paid for with their sweat, tears and pocketbooks. I don’t know any congregation that has left TEC with its buildings that isn’t suffering from the toxicity of this unprocessed pain: But I am also aware that no matter where they are in the litigation process, almost without exception those dear people and congregations are in danger of being consumed by bitterness—you can hear it in the caustic comments made about TEC, in sermons, at coffee hour, and in private conversations. You can see it in bodies that are taut and weary and faces that are worried and in emotions that are depressed…
But I’m deeply concerned by the long term cost people and congregations will pay by not overcoming this root of bitterness: as the saying goes, “A bitter root can only produce bitter fruit.” And the bitter fruit our churches will produce, whether they keep the buildings or not, is anger, rage, judgmentalism, a victim mentality, a wholesale rejection of bishops and the possibility of godly authority, and a fixation upon TEC that will cause us to shape our identity in terms of “what we are NOT” rather than the NEW thing God want to shape us into. And what an incredible tragedy that would be—the stillbirth of a new united and missional Anglicanism that could transform North America with the love of Jesus Christ—shortcircuited by bitterness; unable to see or hear the LORD in the midst of that unprocessed pain, missing the grace of God, troubled and defiled just as it says in that passage from Hebrews. Whenever you and I are offended, in that very moment we have a choice. We can choose to forget it & go on with the business of living, or you can choose to hold on to it. When we choose to hold on to it, a bitter root begins to grow, & as it grows it begins to consume us. But there is another way: Listen to what Paul says in Ephesians 4:31-32 about how you and I can overcome the root of bitterness: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.” But the key to overcoming a root of bitterness is to practice the very opposite: to practice FORGIVENESS “just as in Christ God forgave us.” The best example I can find from scripture is the way Jesus Christ forgave his enemies in that breathtaking first word from the Cross: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Forgiving is so much easier when the offending party is willing to admit guilt and ask for pardon. But Jesus forgives here in the absence of remorse, or sorrow or contrition—in the absence of any understanding whatsoever! Yes, at one level, they knew exactly what they were doing—just as at some level counsel for the other side know exactly what they are doing. But there are others, like the soldiers and the bystanders, like the people in the shadow congregation, who really do not understand the full implications of what they are doing. But no matter who they are, or what their understanding is, Jesus extends this incredible, implausible grace—“Father Forgive… they do not know…” There is no probation, no demand for restitution—just a breathtaking, sacrificial one-way release of everyone who was wounding him, and who would ever wound him, knowingly or unknowingly. The verbal brickbats and the physical torture he was enduring at that point were far more excruciating than any legal motion this church will ever have to face—And in the midst of that, He released them, and us, from justifiable resentment and retribution. As followers of Jesus Christ, we need to practice this kind of love. But it seems an almost impossible charge when our own hearts are being battered, pierced and wounded in the conflict. The capacity to will to love and forgive in Jesus name bleeds away through so many wounds unattended. It is a matter of the will. Jesus calls you and me to love our enemies, to do good to those who hate us, to bless those who curse us, and to pray for those who mistreat us. If we can fulfill this tall order our reward will be great and we will be called “sons of the Most High”, precisely because we manifest the same merciful and loving forgiveness God extends to us through Christ! (Luke 6:27-35). To bless is to will the good of our enemies under the invocation of God. Blessing must therefore come from the heart and not through gritted teeth. In his book The Art of Forgiving, Lewis Smedes puts it this way: “Forgiving happens in three stages:
In order to do this we must become a different kind of person. Church attendance, bible studies, tithing, or being slain in the Spirit will not produce this kind of character. If we are going to have the spiritual depth to prevent bitterness from taking root, and to forgive as Jesus forgave us, we’re going to need to practice the same disciplines Jesus’ himself practiced to cultivate such extraordinary love:
And when we can choose to surrender our right to get even, we will have a gone a long way in overcoming bitterness… Winning and Losing in the Kingdom of God Meditation #4 What about “success”? The world says: Happy are the “pushers”: for they get on in the world. Happy are the hard-boiled and the tough: for they never let life hurt them. Happy are they who complain: for they get there own way in the end. Happy are the blasé: for they never worry over their sin—or others pain. Happy are the slave drivers: for they get results. Happy are the knowledgeable and the well-connected: for they know their way around. Happy are the trouble makers: for they make people take notice of them… Happy are the aggressive and well funded litigators; for they almost always win! NOW What did Jesus say about success: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God… Matthew 5:3-9 NIV And Jesus had even more to say about winning and losing in the Kingdom of God… The world says: “make as much money as you can, and buy as much as you can”… But Jesus says to Rich Young Ruler “Go, sell everything you have, give to the poor, and you’ll be rich in my kingdom”… The world says: “the first will be first—so BE #1… But Jesus says “The first will be last, and the last will be first.. so be a servant…” These were the kinds of things that he said and modeled that enraged people. In fact, his comments on winning and losing, and his reversal of the meaning of success so enraged people that these words got him killed! WHY THIS “GREAT REVERSAL” of the meaning of success in the KOG? 1. Because “success” on the world’s terms is a rip-off Alone among all the people of history, Jesus actually lived on the other side of eternity—“ He was with the father from the beginning” (John 1:2), and he knew what authentic, eternal success and eternal rewards, really look like! And on our side of eternity, in this world: Jesus was the most brilliant man who ever lived. He knew how to live life, and what to live for. That’s why Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10 NIV
2. Jesus came to bring us more than success—he came to bring us the Kingdom of God
Let me close with a story of what our family imagined as we faced the possibility of litigation when we left the Episcopal Church: South Riding Church was the very first church to leave the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia, back in November 2005. We left before Truro and Falls Church and the many other churches that now form the Anglican District of Virginia. When we left, we did not have a legal defense fund. As a practicing attorney, one of the things I have to do is to imagine the worst possible scenario. It was not difficult to imagine what might have happened at that time. The Diocese of Virginia and The Episcopal Church might have tried to bring some kind of an action for conspiracy to defraud TEC of its assets—going beyond the meager assets of our church plant to try and get at deeper pockets. It was not difficult to imagine having to shoulder the cost of defending against such litigation ourselves-- to have our home consumed by attorneys fees, and to lose everything. In our family, we try to do ministry together. We had already been talking about the reasons for leaving—and the principal reason we all shared was the conviction that we needed to move on, and South Riding Church needed to move on, in order to do God’s Kingdom work in the community without embarrassment and compromise by the leadership of the Diocese of Virginia and the Episcopal Church. But now it was my turn to share the reality of the costs we might face. Julie, my wife, has spent an entire lifetime sacrificing for ministry. We have four children—at that time, their ages were 17, 15, 11 and 8. What if we lost our home and everything we owned? What if we had to move? What if they had to leave the schools they were attending and find new friends? One by one we went around of the table, and each of them said in turn, “Dad, we have to do the right thing… We have to leave.” And what God wanted done was done, and continues to be done, through South Riding Church and its people. Dear friends, you too have done the right thing. So go back now and imagine for a moment what it would look like if what God wants done IS done through the people of Christ Church—with or without this property… may that be the focus of your passion, and your prayers…
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